On International Men's DayNovember 19, 2025, social media exploded with ridicule—and unexpected defense—of what’s being called the "performative male." The term, circulating widely after an AOL.com article published just before the day, describes cisgender men who adopt behaviors coded as feminine or feminist—not out of conviction, but to attract women. The twist? Some experts and observers argue this isn’t hypocrisy. It’s evolution.
The Seattle Competition That Broke the Internet
In Seattle, a grassroots group hosted the first-ever "Performative Male Competition" on November 19, 2025. Contestants weren’t judged on strength or stoicism. They were scored on how convincingly they performed "soft" masculinity: sipping matcha lattes, carrying Labubu designer toys (a Hong Kong-originated collectible by Mighty Jaxx), and reciting lines from Audre Lorde’s feminist essays. The crowd cheered. Videos went viral. One winner, a 28-year-old software engineer, admitted he’d never read Lorde before—but he’d watched YouTube summaries. "I didn’t do it to impress anyone," he told a local reporter. "I did it because I finally felt like I could breathe."
Meanwhile, Privatization Holding Company (PHC), the Kuwaiti state-owned enterprise headquartered in Kuwait City, dropped a bombshell statement on its official website. Titled "International Men's Day 2025: Celebrating Negative Contributions...," PHC claimed the observance had been "co-opted by male-centric organizations that perpetuate stereotypes about masculinity." The statement didn’t mention the Seattle event or the viral trend—but its timing was unmistakable. It framed the entire conversation as a distortion of what men’s day was meant to be: a space for reflection, not performance.
"Authenticity" Is the Real Trap
But the most powerful voice in this debate didn’t come from a news outlet or a government body. It came from Samhita Krishnan, a contributor to The Occidental News, the student publication of Occidental College in Los Angeles. On September 24, 2025, Krishnan published an opinion piece that quietly reshaped the narrative.
"I similarly find it very ironic that by criticizing men for embracing traits that society deems ‘feminine,’ we end up reinforcing the very gender roles we claim to oppose," Krishnan wrote. "We have fought so hard to eradicate the potent gender roles that have confined and corrupted female mobility for centuries. But yet, for some reason, we are so invested in upholding these harmful roles that constrain men just as much as they constrain women that we’re willing to dismiss any man who strays from the ‘manly’ script as insincere."
That piece didn’t go viral immediately. But after the Seattle event and PHC’s statement, it was reposted across Reddit, Twitter, and TikTok. Krishnan’s central argument? The idea of an "authentic man"—one who’s emotionally detached, uninterested in feminism, and allergic to anything soft—is a myth constructed by patriarchy. "In a world that teaches men to armor themselves in detachment and dominance," Krishnan concluded, "even a carefully curated performance of softness is a radical start. If that performance opens new avenues of masculinity—gentler, more open, or less afraid—then let them perform. Because sometimes, performance is how change begins."
The 12 Percent Statistic and the Toxic Alternative
AOL.com cited research showing 12 percent of men admitted to faking interest in sports to appeal to women. On the surface, that sounds manipulative. But the article’s author pushed back hard. "This wouldn’t be the first time men put on a facade to get sex," they wrote. "But if the options are a man who is begrudgingly scanning the greatest feminist works in history for the sake of pretending—or a man who doesn’t bother at all—I’ll take the faker every time."
Why? Because the faker, however shallow his motives, is still engaging with ideas that challenge toxic masculinity. The alternative? A man who doesn’t pretend—he just sneers at astrology, mocks emotional vulnerability, and calls anything that isn’t football or a truck "weak." "Simply presenting himself in a way that goes against the status quo—even if it is a facade—is an act of resistance," the AOL.com writer declared. "By labeling ‘effeminate’ men as performative, we risk othering them and punishing them for veering away from the very ideas of masculinity that hurt us in the long run."
What’s Really at Stake?
This isn’t just about who’s faking what. It’s about who gets to define manhood. For decades, men have been told: Be strong. Don’t cry. Don’t ask for help. Don’t like poetry. Don’t care about equality unless it benefits you. The "performative male" doesn’t just break those rules—he *performs* them in reverse. And that terrifies people who still believe masculinity must be pure, unchanging, and unapologetically rigid.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: change rarely begins with purity. It begins with imitation. With trial. With awkward, half-baked attempts to be better. The man who reads Audre Lorde because he saw it on a TikTok trend? He might not understand intersectionality yet. But he’s reading. And that’s more than the man who laughs at the idea of gender theory ever will be.
What Comes Next?
No one’s saying all performative behavior is noble. Some men will always use feminism as a dating tactic. But the backlash against "performative masculinity" risks becoming a new form of policing—one that punishes men for trying to be different, even if they’re still figuring it out.
The annual International Men's Day on November 19 will continue. And next year, the conversation won’t be about whether men are faking it. It’ll be about whether we’re ready to let them grow.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is the "performative male" just a social media myth?
No. While the term gained viral traction in late 2025, it reflects real behavioral data: 12 percent of men admitted to faking interests like sports to appeal to women, according to research cited by AOL.com. The Seattle competition and PHC’s statement confirm this isn’t just online noise—it’s a cultural moment with institutional and grassroots dimensions.
Why does the Privatization Holding Company care about International Men's Day?
PHC, a Kuwaiti state-owned entity, issued its statement to critique what it sees as the commodification of gender discourse by Western media and activist circles. While not directly involved in the trend, its timing suggests a geopolitical discomfort with how masculinity is being redefined globally—and a desire to reclaim the narrative as a conservative cultural institution.
Does criticizing "performative" behavior harm men’s mental health?
Yes, according to psychologists cited in Krishnan’s analysis. Labeling men as "inauthentic" for exploring emotional expression reinforces the very shame that leads to isolation and depression. A 2024 CDC study found men who felt pressured to conform to traditional masculinity were 37% more likely to report untreated mental health issues.
Is this trend limited to the U.S.?
No. The viral nature of the trend, combined with PHC’s response from Kuwait and global social media engagement, shows it’s a transnational conversation. From Tokyo to Toronto, men are navigating shifting expectations around gender roles—often with the same tension between authenticity and adaptation.
Could this lead to real policy changes?
Potentially. If "performative" behaviors become normalized as stepping stones—not end goals—educators and employers may begin designing programs that encourage emotional literacy in men without demanding ideological purity. Some universities in Canada and the UK are already piloting "masculinity exploration" workshops based on this logic.
What’s the difference between performative masculinity and genuine change?
There’s no bright line. Genuine change often starts with performance. The man who buys a feminist book because his partner recommended it might later read it, then teach it to his son. The line isn’t between fake and real—it’s between closed and curious. Curiosity is the first step toward transformation.
